Marceline: Best in the World
by Mr. Nanook
Summary: After years of oppression, Marceline decides to speak her mind and prove that she's the Best in the World. Parody of CM Punk's shoot promo. Rated T for Mild Language.


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: What's up, weenies. I got a new fanfic for you guys. This ****idea sprung up one night when I was watching the infamous CM Punk Worked-Shoot promo for the 29th time and thought to myself: _"You know what would be funny? If Marceline said that!"_ The end result is this fanfic. Enjoy!**

**It might help to know who CM Punk is and have prior knowledge of wrestling in general. It might also help to watch the promo first. Things might get confusing if you don't. However, it is not required.  
Link: watch?v=2OS9wZGb_3g**

**This fanfic is dedicated to Jerry "The King" Lawler. May he make a speedy recovery. We're praying for you, Jerry! The WWE needs a king!**

**I do not own Adventure Time. Adventure Time belongs to Cartoon Network.**

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Marceline was sick. Not physically or mentally sick, but she was so damn sick of being so damn sick. Everything was always about Finn the Human. Finn this and Finn that. He was practically the stupid poster child for the damn Candy Kingdom! Marceline had done many things for the Candy Kingdom in the past, but after she drank too much one night and nearly drank the red from the entire kingdom, she was disavowed and banned from entering it. She remembered what Princess Bubblegum told her the day she was kicked out of the Candy Kingdom.

"I'm not saying you have to be perfect. Just don't be a complete screw-up!"

Those words angered the Vampire Queen. She wasn't a screw-up. She was the best. She was the Best in the World. Finn decided to take Princess Bubblegum's side on the whole matter, distancing himself from Marceline in the process. She was sad to lose two friends of hers, but was angry that Finn was the Candy Kingdom's new warrior.

Five years after that incident, Princess Bubblegum announced a televised fighting tournament to crown a new Champion of the Candy Kingdom. Marceline didn't think this was a big deal until she heard that anyone who was previously banned from the Candy Kingdom can enter and if they won the tournament, they would receive an official pardon and a possible spot in the Hall of Champions. Marceline saw this as a chance to prove to everybody in the world that she's the best.

Marceline managed to make it to the quarterfinals of the tournament. She had defeated Jake by knockout, or by scaring him so bad that he fainted, and was advancing to the semi-finals. Meanwhile, Finn was facing the Ice King in a match to qualify for the semi-finals, as well. Finn had the upper hand during the whole match. It would take a miracle for the Ice King to win the match. Lucky for him, a savior in the form of a Vampire Queen was about to assist. Marceline saw this as a chance to make her voice be heard and decided to interfere in the match. She walked out of the locker room and flew to the Combat Zone, which consisted of a ring with barbed-wire ropes and C4 explosives outside to prevent anyone from getting in or out. Seeing as how Marceline could float, she saw didn't see this as an issue and continued on. She turned herself invisible and snatched Finn's hat off of his head. Finn turned around to see his hat floating in midair. "What the!" he exclaimed. While he was distracted, Ice King took the opportunity to freeze Finn. He then lifted him up and smashed him down on a wooden table, breaking it apart, as well as the block of ice that he was in. The referee started to count. If he counted to ten, Finn loses the match and the Ice King would advance to the semifinals. Finn tried to stand on his feet, but he was too dazed.

"...7...8...9...10! Ring the bell!" the referee ordered. Ice King was declared the winner and is now advancing to the semifinals.

"Woohoo! I'm going to the semifinals!" Ice King cheered. "Better luck next time, boy!" He then flew back to the locker room to celebrate with his penguin companion, Gunter. Marceline then made herself visible again. She flew across the ring and asked for a microphone. After she received one, she flew to the stage.

"You suck, Marceline!" a spectator shouted. She ignored him and kept floating. She reached the stage and sat down Indian Style. Finn was slowly recovering from his impact with the table.

"Finn the Human. While you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this, because before I leave in three weeks with the Candy Kingdom Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest." she said into the microphone. "I don't hate you, Finn. I don't even dislike you. I do like you! I like you Hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back!" She paused for a bit and smiled to herself. She continued, "I hate this idea that you're the best. Because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better at than I am, and that's kissing Princess Bubblegum's ass." This remark was met with heavy boos from the audience. "You're as good as kissing Bonnie's ass as Lady Rainicorn was! I don't know if you're good as Peppermint Butler, though. He's a pretty good ass-kisser. Always was and still is. Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall!" She then turned her head and waved mockingly at a camera to her right. "I'm the best warrior in the world. I've been the best ever since day one, when I walked into this Kingdom, and I've been vilified and hated since that day, because Choose Goose saw something in me that no one else wanted to admit." Several spectators cheered at the mention of Choose Goose. It was the enigmatic water fowl that introduced Marceline to Princess Bubblegum many years ago. "That's right; I'm a Choose Goose guy! You know who else was a Choose Goose guy? Mannish Man! And he split, just like I'm splitting, but the biggest difference between me and Mannish is I'm going to leave with the Candy Kingdom Championship!" Marceline paused for a bit to ponder on her rant.

Meanwhile backstage, Princess Bubblegum was called to the production truck to view the events that were transpiring.

"What's going on?" the bubblegum matriarch asked.

"Your majesty, you might want to take a look at this." A person from the production crew told her. He pointed to the monitor and Princess Bubblegum saw Marceline sitting down with a microphone in hand.

"Marceline? What in the world?" She muttered.

"I've grabbed so many of Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum's imaginary brass rings, that it's just dawned on me: they're just that, completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best, on this microphone, in that ring, even in royal announcements! Nobody can touch me!" Marceline said, clearly starting to get angry, but she went on.

Finn was slowly getting to his feet, but was still hunched over in pain. He opened his eyes and saw Marceline. He hadn't seen her in months. Last time they interacted with each other is when they had to work together to fight the returning Lich. "And yet, no how many-no how many times I prove it, I'm not on your lovely little collector cups, I'm not on the cover of the program. I'm barely mentioned. I don't get to be in movies. I'm certainly not on any crappy show on the Candy Kingdom Network. I don't have a plaque in the Candy Kingdom Wall of Service! I'm not on the signature that's produced at the start of this show! I'm not on Conan O' Blowpop. I'm not on Jimmy Taffy, but the fact of the matter is I should be, and trust me, this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that Peppermint Butler has a plaque in the Candy Kingdom Wall of Service and I don't makes me sick!" Finn looked at her with no emotion.

The audience around her actually started cheering for her. They were compelled by her rant. Marceline took the opportunity to bring them up. "Oh and hey. Let-let me get something straight: those of you who are cheering me right now? You are just the biggest part of me leaving as anything else. Because you're the ones that are sipping out of those collector cups right now! You're the ones that buy those replica plaques that aren't in my honor, and at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on cBay, because you're too lazy to go get a real job!" The audience roared even louder.

Marceline had them in the palm of her hand. Marceline paused again, and then continued her rant. "I'm leaving with the Candy Kingdom Championship on July 17th, and Hell, who knows? Maybe I'll go defend it in the Duke of Nuts' Kingdom. Maybe I'll go back to the Nightosphere!" She turned to the camera on her right again and waved. "Hey, daddy dearest. How you doin'?" she told the camera. "The reason I'm leaving is you people because after I'm gone, you're still gonna pour money into this kingdom! I'm just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel's gonna keep turning, and I understand that. But Princess Bubblegum's gonna make money despite herself. She's a millionaire who should be a billionaire! You know why she's not a billionaire? It's cause she surrounds herself with glad-handing, nonsensical, douchebag yes-men, like Cinnamon Bun, who's gonna tell her everything that she wants to hear! And I'd like to think that maybe this kingdom will be better after Princess Bubblegum's dead, but the fact is: it's-it's gonna get taken over by her idiotic lemon son and her doofus Candy Sphinxes, and the rest of her stupid family!" she snapped, clearly more angry than ever before.

Princess Bubblegum was blazing red and was incredibly aggravated with what Marceline had said. She had heard enough. "That's it. Cut her microphone. I can't stand here while she slanders me and this kingdom!" she ordered.

"As you wish, princess." a production crew member told her.

Marceline went on. "Let me tell you a personal story about Princess Bubblegum! Alright? Here, we do this whole bully campai-" Before she could speak any further, her microphone was cut off. She tapped it and fiddled around with it for several moments before giving up. She stood up and shouted, "I've been silenced!" along with other phrase that only a select few could hear. After Marceline made her way out of the arena, Peppermint Butler announced that she had been suspended from the tournament until further notice. Marceline didn't care. She had made a stand. She had spoken her mind, and most importantly, she had proven she was the Best in the World.

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**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, that was a complete waste of time but I thought it would be interesting to do. Let me know what you think! Reviews, comments, corrections, and criticisms are welcome. On a related note: I killed Marceline and then I made her CM Punk. We're even now. **

**Fun Fact: This is the first fanfic I've ever written where none of the characters die. Well, I thought that would be pretty interesting. S****tay pretty, people.**

**_Officially gave up on Finnceline  
_****_-bazaaboy44_**


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